|Foaling Mare's Secret Code
The mare's secret code of honor is as old as horses themselves
and is ultimately the species best kept secret.
No mare shall ever produce a foal before it's time.(It's time
being determined by the following factors):
foal shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all
involved. Your house must be a wreck, your family hungry and
desperate for clean clothes, and your social life nonexistent.
Midwives must reach the babbling fool status before
you foal out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability
to form a sentence mean you're getting close.
For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they
attach to you, foaling must be delayed by at least one day
for each item.
Vet check, add a day, internal add three. If you
hear the words, "She's nowhere near ready. You'll be fine
while I'm away for the weekend," Wait 12 to 16 hours and pop
that baby out!
Owner stress must be at an all time high! If you
are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls
a day is a sign you're getting close. When you hear the words
"I can't take it anymore!" wait three days and produce a foal.
You must keep this waiting game interesting. False
alarms are necessary! Little teasers such as looking at your
stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking
away from it are always good for a rise. Be creative and find
new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who
The honor of all horses is now in your hands.
Use this time to avenge all of your stable mates. Think about
your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of
those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. OH,they
made him do tricks too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings,
the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also
be avenged at this time.
If you have fulfilled all of the above and are
still not sure when to have this foal, listen to the weather
forecast on the radio that has been so generously provided
by those who wait. Severe storm warning is what you're waiting
for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power
could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a
good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while
searching for a flashlight that works!
Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg
for food each time someone comes into the stable to check
you. Your stable mates will love you as the extra goodies
fall their way too.
Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind
man of how truly special horses are. Do your best to reward
those who wait with a beautiful filly to carry on the mare
code of honor for the next generation of those who wait!